I don't understand fans of Andy Warhol.

About a month ago we were cordially invited by the Carnegie Museums of Pittsburgh to the Member Preview of Warhol and Cars: American Icons.

Being rather ignorant of Andy Warhol, who is apparently one the most iconic American artists and definitely the most recognized one out of Pittsburgh, I decided to go with an open mind.

This is my brief thesis on Andy Warhol. It is titled "Andy Warhol was a talented manipulative modern self-promoting artist who was fortunate enough to live in an age dominated by tasteless art critics and wealthy professional socialites.".

Here is a brief synopsis of my observations to support my thesis:

1. Andy Warhol likes to wear sunglasses indoors and while working. I think this affected his ability to see the full spectrum of colors, and therefore much of his works lacked a particular spectrum. If he wore polarized lenses, I'd imagine his work would look like something posted behind venetian blinds.
   
2. Andy Warhol aged very poorly. I didn't realized he died at a tender age of 58. He looked like he was 70. I think that's what happens when you take meth.
   
3. Andy Warhol's screen prints were pleasant to look at, but he was not much of a painter. The primary "show piece" at the event was Andy Warhol's work on a BMW M1 Art Car. His art car was one of the worst of all the BMW Art Cars.
   
4. I think he put about as much effort into that car as I hypothetically would on a notepad doodle during a long meeting (I said hypothetically because I always pay 100% attention during meetings and would never waste ink or paper on doodle).
   
5. Andy Warhol liked pictures of himself hanging out with celebs. I think Andy Warhol was more about Andy Warhol than Andy Warhol's art. Sort of like the older Picasso, only without Picasso's portfolio of talent.
   
6. I'm a people watcher and I observed there were primarily four types of people at the Member Preview.
• "The Paris Hilton" - These people were dressed and drinking as if they were clubbing. They stayed on the first floor (where the booze was being served), and never ventured up through to the seven floor of the Museum to see the art exhibition. Fortunately, these people are usually very generous with their unearned monies, and are probably what kept and keeps the artist alive and off the streets.
  
• "The Elderly Benefactor" - Older gentleman and gentlewoman holding glasses of wine and quietly amused at the scandalous stuff they help fund curate.
  
• "The Art Student" - These people were the ones sipping the complimentary bottled water, subtly but stylishly dressed, and  pleasantly conscientious of other people's sight-lines (it is pretty annoying it is for some drunk to walk in front of you while you're standing 2-3 feet away trying to look at something). Art students stand and stare and observe - for a long time.
  
• "The Perplexed Plebeian" - This is people like me. I'm admittedly uneducated in the finer things of life. I tried to keep an open mind, but as it gradually got filled with pompous crap created with little effort or skill, I couldn't help but become perplexed at Andy Warhol fans. I'm sorry - I tried, but I just don't get it.

In conclusion, I'm not sure I will be venturing back to the Andy Warhol Museum - I'd rather spend my weekend afternoons in the main Carnegie Museum of Art and marvel at realism paintings. Although in the future, I may bring little spawns to show them why they should not take meth.

The Pursuit of Pizza Perfection.

For half a decade, I have been in the pursuit of and been eluded by the perfect pizza crust.

After five long years, I'm happy to report my rather long and at times despairing journey has ended. This recipe is adapted from the fine people at Cook's Illustrated.

Ingredients:

• 1/2 cup of warm activated-charcoal filtered dihydrogen monoxide heated to 43 ° C (110° F).
•  1 and 1/4 cups of activated-charcoal filtered dihydrogen monoxide at room temperature. 
• 2 and 1/2 tsp of active dry yeast.
•  2 tsp of olive oil.
• 4 cups of bread flour.
• 1 and 1/2 tsp of 97% ~ 99% pure sodium chloride.

Dough Making Protocol:

1. In a large bowl, add the yeast in the the warm dihydrogen monoxide and stare at mixture for 5 minutes with intense energy.
2. After you have directed intense energy at the mixture for 5 minutes, add the  room temperature dihydrogen monoxide and olive oil.
3. Mix the bread flour and relatively pure sodium chloride and combine gently in the mixer (preferably below 120rpm with a dough hook).
4. With the mixer slowly rotating, gently add the liquids.
5. Mix dough for until 5 of the first sexagesimal fraction time units have elapsed (or until the dough is smooth and elastic).
6. Roll the dough into a ball, and place it in an oiled bowl, seal the bowl and let the dough rise for 1/12 of a median Earth day.
7. After the rising, the dough is more or less ready, form your pizza, use a fork and gently puncture the interior area of the pizza so the crust rises around the center of your pizza.
8. Let the dough's protein composites relax for a period of approximately 10 of the first sexagesimal fraction time units.
9. Top the pizza, bake at 260 ° C (500° F).

YAY!!! I swear this is the best home-made pizza dough!

Our Pilgrimage to St. Marys and Awesome Pizza!

The day after Thanksgiving our hosts took us Black Friday shopping.
For BEER at St. Mary, PA. We had heard about the "Eternal Tap" - but never had the opportunity to make our pilgrimage to the mythical place.

Here we go!

We signed in and followed the signs.

It appears that Straub dealt in milk during the prohibition?

I poured my first! As per the rules, I drank two.
Even the Mrs., who usually frowns upon beer, enjoyed the fresh brew at Straub!

They had this amazing glass washer!

Free post-Thanksgiving beer grub!

Afterwards I bought two cases of Straub's Special Dark for a whopping low price of  $17 per case! Amazing! Unfortunately the two cases will not last long, as the smooth and drinkable nature of the beer has encouraged the Mrs to steal sips from my bottle!

We also bought some functional mementos.

Beer and Pizza are very similar. Both utilize yeast, water, and sugars to make beautiful and tasty things. While most pizzerias can control for the quality of their dry ingredients (i.e. flour, salt and sugar), the majority have to make do with the water they have.

Brockway, PA is situated in the Allegheny Highlands and enjoys clean soft water (for now anyway). For some perspective, if you're living in Pittsburgh, you're probably drinking Brockway sewage that has more additional mineral content picked up during its journey south. Yeast does not like minerals (it especially does not like salts).

So it is really not a surprise that Paesano Pizza in Brockway, PA has the best pizza I've ever tasted outside of New York City. 


Basically - the Allegheny Highlands present the perfect resources for the production of good pizza and beer! Saccharomyces cerevisiae you rock!

I forgot to take a picture before we ate half the pizza. Rest assured it was very good.

An American Thanksgiving.

In past years, we've had rather unconventional Thanksgiving meals with fellow diaspora students and we had served protein like Cornish game hens, drumsticks, and ribs in place of turkey. However, this year, we were graciously invited to join our friends in Brockway (Spousal Unit's former Roommate & Family, henceforth abbreviated as the "SURF") to celebrate Thanksgiving, and it was an all American feast!

The celebratory meal involved the Mrs and I and three generations of our hosts' family! SURF-mom got up and started cooking before sunrise, even though she was battling a cold. The turkey was cooked slow and low, was honestly the best turkey I've ever had!

What can be more American than Thanksgiving with turkey and stuffing, gravy, coleslaw, sweet potato casserole, mash potatoes and dinner rolls?!

The feast began a little after noontime, which I thought was a brilliant idea because it gave one less time to spoil one's feasting appetite than the stereotypical dinnertime feast. It also gives you more time to eat, nap, go for a walk and tour of town, recover, and eat some more!

The table talk was also fun and entertaining! SURF-grandpa told us that each of the four B-29 engines (which individually produced 2200hp at takeoff) only used four steel bolts to install and shared some humorous stories about his time in Okinawa.

For dessert, SURF-grandma made two pies, a cinnamon pumpkin pie and a minced meat pie. I attacked both with gusto, and the minced meat pie was particularly good with Sailor Jerry's Spiced Rum!

Our host also made a red, white and blue surprise jello to celebrate my naturalization! The red layer included yummy strawberries, the white was a composite layer created from lemon jello and vanilla ice cream, and the blue was blueberries! It was yummy and disappeared without a trace before the day was done!

We spent the remainder of the evening chatting, drinking tea, watching Galaxy Quest (in which Adrian Monk was always eating) and an episode of the BBC's The Supersizers!

All in all it was the most memorable Thanksgiving yet!

Stay tuned for the part two writeup of our pilgrimage to St. Mary and a celebration of  Brockway pizza!

Tremble and Weep Yinz. Tremble and Weep.

Let it be known that I can now commit felonies with no fear of deportation. 

Oh and I bought a new watch! It is a Citizen BM8180-03E, which is the entry model of the light powered Eco-Drive powered watches that ought to stay ticking for at least a quarter of a century without a battery replacement. If we ever have kids, I intend to pass this watch to the future generation. 

The Quartz time keeping has been perfect so far, and has stayed accurate to within a second of the US National Institute of Standards and Technology's atomic clock after over a month of ownership.

Pittsburgh Grand Prix!

These are pictures from the Pittsburgh Grand Prix from the end of July. I've been sitting on these pictures because I didn't really know what to say - except that we had a lot of wine, cheese, and listened to a lot of cars go vroom vroom. A good afternoon in July.

Audi R8. The last Audi Le Mans Prototype that wasn't a diesel.

Old school air-cooled Porsche!

Hitler's gift to the automotive world.

I could not locate any pot in this VW Microbus.

Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG.

This car is about 3 times the average home value in the Pittsburgh area.

September Chili!

September has arrived, which means the beginning of the football season, and that the weather in Pittsburgh is starting to get chilly.

Chilly weather + football = chili. There is some serious synergy going on when you combine spices with protein and fat from beef, the depth and body of sauteed onions, starch from beans, and acidity of tomatoes.

Tigger approves of this monster can of chickpeas - $2.89 at your local Costco!

My basic chili recipe came from a photocopy the Spousal Unit made about a decade ago from Evelyn Raab's Clueless In the Kitchen. The recipe sat dormant in a binder unused until about four years ago - when I started experimenting with chili.

This is probably my best variation of that original recipe.

Ingredients:
        • 1.5 lb of beef (minced)
        • 2 large onions (diced)
        • 2 cloves of garlic (chopped)
        • 28 oz. crushed tomatoes
        • 2 medium red tomatoes (diced)
        • 1 green pepper (diced)- optional
        • 3 cups of canned chickpeas
        • 1 cup of frozen corn
 

Spices in a bowl.

        • 3 tsp chili powder
        • 1/2 tsp of curry powder
        • 2 tsp ground cumin
        • 1 tsp cayenne pepper
        • 2 tsp salt

Instructions:
1. Saute the onions and garlic in a skillet (medium heat) until the onions are soft and translucent, then add the green bell peppers. Saute until the peppers are fragrant.

2. Add the ground beef and spices.

3. In a large pot, pour your crushed tomatoes, diced tomatoes, chickpeas,  and corn. Apply low heat.

I used 3 cups and froze the rest in bags.

4. When the ground beef is more or less browned, and the spices are fragrant - empty the skillet into the large pot.

5. Add about a cup of water, cover, and let the mixture simmer on low for 90 minutes.

Yum!